Ask Marie

Dear Marie,
My friendship family asked me if I wanted to come to their cousin’s wedding. Wanting to understand the American Culture I said sure.   A few days later I got a very impressive letter in the mail with information about the wedding. There was also a small stamped envelope inside. What is that for? Also it had some abbreviations on the invitation like ASAP or maybe RSVPS. What does that mean? And if that isn’t causing enough anxiety, I don’t know how to dress. What should I bring? I don’t really know these folks.
What am I to do? Please help.
Wedding Jitters

Dear Jitters,
Weddings vary so much! There are afternoon weddings, and evening weddings.

Some are outside, some in a church, some in a home. Wedding invitations usually have four parts: the invitation itself, the reception information and an envelope and return card to tell if you will be attending or not. This return card helps the wedding family know how many people will be in attendance so that they will know how much food to order and how much seating they will need. If at all possible, look at your calendar and see if your are available to come and if so fill out the card, put it in the envelope and mail it. It usually is already stamped, so all you have to do it drop it in the mail. Wedding attire for men is usually a coat and tie, and for women, a dress or a skirt and top; something a little dressier than you would wear to school.

Weddings gifts are appropriate. It could be anything from a gift card from Target, to a small gift for their new home. Many time brides and grooms are registered at major stores around the city. This means that they have selected specific items that they need to set up their new house and they have registered them at places like Target or Macy’s etc. You can go to the registry, often times on line, and look at the list and select an item that is within you means (money range) and have it sent to the address on the back of the wedding invitation or go directly to the store and purchase it. You don’t have to pick out something that they registered for if you find something you would rather give somewhere else.

There wedding service itself usually lasts about 30 minutes and it is mostly sitting and listening. Afterwards is the reception, sometimes it is just in another part of the church, and sometimes it is in a completely different location. Be sure to verify that on the invitation you received. When you get to the reception, you will find there to be food and music and maybe dancing and often times a few speeches to congratulate the bride and groom. There is wedding cake that the bride and groom cut holding hands, and they often times feed each other the first piece. That is always fun to watch.

A wedding is a fun festivity, don’t be anxious, just get dressed up and enjoy the time. Weddings usually start promptly, so try to be on time. It is fun to watch other people and the different activities that are going on. People are usually joyful, for this is a sweet time to celebrate a union of two people. I am glad you were invited…I think you will be glad too!

Dear Marie,
An American friend invited me to join his family for Easter. What should I expect? Should I bring something? What should I wear? I have some dietary restrictions because of my religion, what should I do? Sorry for all the questions but I don’t want to look foolish. Thanks for your help. Easter Fuzzy

Dear Fuzzy,

What a nice compliment to you that you were invited to join your friend and his family for Easter. I suspect that all families do things a little differently for holidays but this is what we do.

Easter is a Christian celebration of our Lord’s resurrection so our whole family goes to church services on Easter morning. After church we all come to our home and meet for lunch. We get pretty casual pretty fast. I suggest no jeans but slacks and a shirt that is tucked in, and nicely groomed appearance. I always bring something when I am invited to someone’s home . It can be anything from a few flowers, to a loaf of bread to a small box of candy. Nothing expensive, just a small thoughtful gift of appreciation for the invitation. People never forget someone who brings even the smallest token. If you have dietary restrictions, then maybe you could bring something that you know you can eat but enough to share and put on a buffet table. You then would at least know there was something that you would recognize and like and would accommodate your restrictions.

A prayer will probably be said before the meal.It often will include a blessing on the friends and family and food, but most especially for the celebration of Easter and the gift of Jesus as our Savior. If you get stuck and don’t know what to say to someone, don’t hesitate to tell them that this is the first time you have been to an Easter lunch. Tell them where you are from and what some of the traditions that you have in your country. Ask questions about Easter. Ask questions about the way things are done in America. I think you will find we are usually a pretty easy going group. I hope you enjoy your time.

One more thing…Be sure to find out whose home you are in and thank them for including you in their celebration. Always look someone in the eye when speaking. It shows interest and respect and the recipient is usually very appreciative.

Thank you for your questions. I hope that I have answered some of your concerns.

Dear Ask Marie,

I am an international student going to school in Houston, Texas.  I like my school and most things about Houston but my other international friends and I have a problem.  It seems that the American students don’t care to get to know us at all.  It makes us feel isolated and sometimes even ostracized.  It is hurtful and we are starting to have bad feelings about Americans.  We don’t want to feel that way — Any suggestions?

Feeling Down in Houston

Dear Feeling Down,

This is quite common and in most cases the American students aer not trying to be mean.  School maybe new to some of the students and they might not be so comfortable walking up to someone they don’t know and introducing themselves.  Just like you are adjusting to a new culture they are adjusting to a new environment also.  Give them some time and you can always introduct yourself to them. 

Marie